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To Eyes That Stare

 

It is so hard for me to comprehend the restless night dreams of yesterday.
spinning
tossing
turning
wheeling
halt.
Do I dare stutter?
In ceaseless abundant confusion 

I wait.
Not for you
not for him

not for anyone but God.

I wait.
For every day after tomorrow and for days never to come

I wait.
Not for my sanity
coherency never to return
not for a fantasy
I stare.
at the ceilings of unfamiliar rooms
at the eyes of strangers
at the unfamiliar eyes of rooms

of those who
poke
prick
prod and invade my space
my insides for all of eternity. 

Feeling nothing but shadows of memory. 

Memories of shadows.
Oh the confusion!

The twists and turns and falsehoods of memory. 

and love? 

I saw an angel amongst the strangers one day.
Was it a month?
a week?
a year?
yesterday?
That day we stared into the eyes of eternity. 

She joined hands with two other women and a priest.
they prayed

they laughed 

then left.
I fell into the darkness that was my bliss. 

Where the chaos and the confusion somehow made more sense.
Where at least when I sleep I can see the people I love.

Smiling instead of staring.

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